Thursday, March 21, 2013

The concerns of raising an intellectually gifted child.

In the moment I was first told my daughter's IQ I was excited, proud - and fearful all at the same time.  My daughter placed squarely in the middle of the 'highly gifted' range in her IQ.  My scores fall more in the 'bright' range.  So my first thought - along with all those underlying emotions - was, "Oh crap!"

I had a fear of eventually being intellectually overpowered by my daughter.   How could I 'control' a child that is intrinsically smarter than me?  I know - highly selfish thoughts there - but then I am only human.

After my initial selfish thought I then thought --- but what about her?  I remembered the 'smart kids' at school, and how some of them could never get social nuances.  I also worried about an onset of a perceived arrogance (i.e. the creator of Facebook) and the possible struggles this will create in her life.  Immediately I purchased the book, Smart Parenting for Smart Kids: Nurturing Your Child's True Potential.  Granted I was really looking for A Bright Parent's Step-by-Step Guide to raising a Highly Gifted Child, but since I could not find exactly that - I thought this would work.

Right away this book spoke to some issues my lovely daughter had exhibited, such as intensity in emotions and perfectionism.

After reading this and doing some research on line I started to realize I had a list of concerns, both current and future, and I need an action plan for.  Something that works for both of us.

  • Hitting an Academic 'Wall;
  • Patience in Communication
  • Conformity/Peer Pressure
  • Polite Correction vs. Arrogance
  • Perfectionism
  • Promoting Ingenuity While Creating Realistic Expectations
  • Creating Challenge/Fighting Boredom
  • Tempering Emotional Intensity without Supressing Personality
Throughout the next few weeks it is my intention to explore each of these concerns more thoroughly and come up with a real plan of addressing them as they present themselves.  This will of course end up a series here on the blog. :-)


  1. Hi, found you on the blog hop! I think this post is a really interesting topic, I'm looking forward to reading more in the series. I'm your newest follower, it would be lovely if you could follow back too? Have a great weekend! x

    1. Thank you so much for the visit, Sarah. I am just as excited to really get into the series and find out more. So far they have been vague concerns, but the more I research the more defined it becomes. And as she gets older I am sure some concerns will adjust.

      After I finish up with dinner I will be headed right over to your blog and get it all check out! :-D

  2. Found you through the blog hop, following now. I'll definitely have to check this out. My 9 year old is in the accelerated program at her school, and even though a lot of things come easy to her, she is extremely hard on herself on the few things that don't.

    1. I know exactly what you mean. Either she talks down to herself, or just flat out refuses to do something. That is perfectionism rearing its ugly head, I honestly did not recognize it for what it was until I read this book. The very first chapter deals with this - and pointed out that some of what I was doing would never work with her. Instead of acknowledging the fear I was glossing over it - or dismissing it as nonsense - not in so many words, but from her perspective I can see it. For example: Instead of saying: "Honey, of course you will get it - you are very smart" or something like that, instead approach the fear and acknowledge it, "So this problem is something new for you and you are afraid you will get it wrong?" Etc. I will talk about it more when I dig more into perfectionism. :-)

      Thank you so much for finding me - I will get over to your blog and play around a little later today :-) I love discovering new people and can't wait.

  3. Hi - I'm your newest follower from the Aloha Friday hop! Love your blog!

  4. Great blog! I found you from the Aloha Blog Hop and I'm your newest follower!

    Missy Inspired

  5. Thank you for stopping by my page earlier Melanie. I am definitely going to be following your page for this topic. I've got a 6 year old girl in gifted in 1st grade and a 3 year old girl that is just plain scary smart coming up (like yesterday i told her not to do something and her response was "fine then I'll just go somewhere where you can't see me then!") right behind her. I'm hunting down that book at the library now!

    1. That is right where I was last year, Amanda. She had a wonderful teacher, but we ran into some ... emotional issues that were rough. I wish I had done a little more research at that point, I would have understood the outbursts a little better. Something about gifted children being more sensitive or intense.

      If you can't find the book via the library, let me know if you have a Nook from Barnes & Noble. I can lend you the book for 2 weeks. (love the 'lend me' feature on my nook)

      And - wow on your 3 year old. I can't even imagine how I would have reacted, hopefully with grace - but you know how we humans can be! LOL

      I am hoping to get the part up about 'academic wall' up at some point next week - I want to really try to dig into it this weekend.

      Anyway - thanks so much for stopping by, and I apologize for typing your year off, but I do have a blog for a reason!

    2. You know, i've read a book (I fail to recall the name at the moment) but ti was about ADHD and some non medical approaches to deal with all of that, and one chapter was all about food additives, and I was surprised to know some of the emotional things they could cause,a nd it seems each kid will have different trigger foods just like for migraines. I'm found one of hers is red dye (another girl in her class also) and another is aspartame. And I've also just gone to making things from scratch instead of buying box mixes and its crazy that she can actually sit still and do her homework and read a book after that. She still flies off the handle if I tell her she got a math problem wrong, but i think that is what you were talking about with the perfectionism I had never thought about. I once taught a student who was so bad about that she insisted on rewriting her entire paper instead of letting there be one eraser mark or pen scratched out on it, and she was staying up too late and falling behind, and they pulled her out of school to homeschool I believe. That was a 7th grader, so I hope I can prevent that!

    3. You know, Amanda, my sister read the same thing - and had the same experience with her son.

      And the 7th grader! At times I wish I could get inside a child's mind just to soothe them - so they can see that in the scheme of things what they are overwhelmed with is not so big. But then I am sure my grandmother often wished to do the same with me not so long ago! LOL